Whole lot about... stuff..

Here I am at work, clearly having the time of my life, when I decided... not so much feeling like working right now... hmm, MAYBE I should finally take the time to write that first post for my blog and get it over with once and for all... I've been trying to figure out a way to start this for some time and just keep deleting, starting over, giving up, and then coming back another day to do it all over again. Today, I'm going to keep whatever I write... maybe it'll be better if it's just honest... we shall see won't we?

Here's as brief an intro as I can give - I'm a 22 year old woman, working & living in a small town in Wisconsin. I've lived here my entire life and, until just recently, thought I would most likely get married & have a family here as well but for the first time I've considered moving away, but more about that later. I'm in a relationship with a 22 year old man, who we shall call... A, in the interest of not completely disclosing all of my information, who is in the Air Force and is currently in Africa. I like to think that we're supposed to be together... blah, blah, blah mushy gushy stuff I know but bare with me a moment here while I explain! We dated for a year in high school and as most high school relationships go, ours was somewhat the norm - dramatic, explosive at times and intense. The feelings were as true as they could've been at 17-18 but it just wasn't the right time. Two years later we dated again but just before we'd gotten back together he'd started testing and all of that for the Air Force... and we learned he'd be leaving for basic training within the next year (although they weren't sure exactly when). At this point, I was scared out of my mind. I couldn't bare the thought of losing him, nor was I sure I could deal with the distance and be here to support him. SO, I ran. I pushed him as far away as I could... it's an awful point of my life and I hate to think about it as I don't know who I was then BUT at least now I've learned from it.

Now to the present, early in 2006 we started talking again but ONLY as friends. We were both involved in pretty serious relationships with other people so I made it clear that no matter what we were ONLY friends. He made it clear that while he still had strong feelings for me he'd do his best to oblige. At this point he was in Mississippi at tech school. Once he finished his schooling he came home in July and, as we still share friends, we all hung out. Everyone was saying we'd get back together because we were both single but i was bound and determined to prove them wrong... so as much as I felt for him I just pushed it away and denied it all, putting it all on being lonely and saying it wouldn't work anyway as he was only home for a short period and then heading to a base in SC. So, when he approached me on it I turned him down. Shortly after that he got back together with his ex and she pushed me out of his life. Not wanting to cause drama I backed down and walked out of his life, SO he wouldn't have to choose between me and her (I thought the concept was total BS but it wasn't my life. I thought I was better off with out). about a month (or two?) later he called to apologize for allowing that to happen and for dropping me as a friend. I was pretty pissed off about it and really wasn't having it. I gave him a hard time the entire time we were on the phone but after a while he wore me down and I agreed to give him another shot as my friend.

From that point on we starting talking on a semi-regular basis... which turned into a regular basis and then a DAILY basis. Our feelings for one another were hard to deny... he didn't but I did because the distance scared the shit out of me. You see, he's still got 3 years left. That's a long time to do the long distance thing and I wasn't sure I could do it. He'd made plans to come home for the holidays so I told him we'd discuss our "relationship" in person then. The first night he was home... that was it. We were back together instantly and we've been together ever since (just over a month or so). The distance within the states I could handle. there was always texting or a phone call every night before bed, but now... there's none of that. He's been over for about a week now and I've gotten two phone calls because that's just the way it goes. I'm not used to it yet and frankly, I'm having a hard time with it. I know it'll get easier (because, really it HAS to!) I've just got to be positive and all of that.

blah, blah, blah is what I say.

Oh right, did I not mention that I do that? say random nonsense? yeah... you may want to get used to that from me...

So much for a brief intro huh? Well I tend to ramble so... hopefully you'll bare with me until I get a bit more organized with my thoughts and this whole posting thing.

Ok I suppose I should actually do some work while I'm here before someone realizes what I'm up to (HA yeah that is all kinds of likely!)

To anyone reading (anyone?) have a wonderful day...